Sick Bags at the Ready: It’s the New BMW X6!

Do you want a BMW X5, but think that its too practical, too affordable, and too tasteful? Well, you will be glad to know that BMW has just launched the third generation of the BMW X6.

Like the previous two generations of the X6, the new one is essentially an X5 with a sloping roof. Compared with the previous generation, it is 26mm longer, 15mm wider, but the overall height is 6mm lower- so it should still have the trademark X6 lack of headroom.

But if the X6 isn’t stupid enough from standard (it really is), you can make it worse if you pay extra. You can have it with 22-inch wheels, but if you really want to get noticed, you can have its gigantic grille light up, even when you’re driving. It seems someone at BMW has been playing a bit too much Need For Speed Underground lately, or maybe they just watched the first Fast & Furious movie for the first time.

Inside, it’s pretty much the exact same as the X5, only with less space. Like the X5, you have the option of a crystal gear selector, to remind your passengers of how rich you are.

The X6 is available in four versions from launch; the xDrive40i, with a 340 hp straight-6, the M50i, with a 530 hp V8, and in Europe, there will be two diesel models. The first is the xDrive30d, with a 265 hp straight-6, and the other is the M50d, with a quad-turbo straight-6, producing 400 hp. All are linked to an 8-speed automatic transmission. A rear-biased AWD system comes as standard, with the option of a limited-slip rear differential.

From launch, two trim lines are available. The first is M Sport, which comes with massive aggressive vents, which are as fake as its exhaust tips. The other is the xLine, which comes with black plastic cladding and a skid plate, to protect the underside from speed bumps.

It will be produced at BMW’s US factory in Spartanburg, and goes on sale November this year, where they’ll probably sell boatloads of them, despite its sheer pointlessness. Seriously, who’s buying these things?